Feeling Lonely in the UK: Where to Start and Who Can Help

The NHS Every Mind Matters site describes some ways loneliness can be experienced: emotional loneliness (a lack of emotional attachment to someone like a close friend or partner), social loneliness (a lack of friends to go out with or who share your interests) and existential loneliness (a sense of being in a room of people you know and still feeling alone). Some people feel lonely occasionally, for example on certain days or times of year, while others feel lonely all the time. It can make you nervous about or avoid social events, change your daily routines, or make it hard to get to sleep or stay asleep. Source: NHS Every Mind Matters: loneliness.

The NHS says loneliness is often linked with living or working alone, retirement, illness or disability, bereavement, moving to a new area, job, school or university, and social anxiety, and that it can follow other big life events such as having a baby.

The NHS suggests that you:

• talk about your feelings to a friend, family member, healthcare professional or counsellor
• join a group or class that focuses on something you enjoy (you can ask to go along and just watch first if you are nervous)
• spend time where there are other people, such as a park, the cinema or a café
• ask your GP about social prescribing: a link worker may be able to help you find local support and activities
• consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help each other, or volunteer locally
• do things you enjoy, such as walking, exercising or listening to a podcast

The NHS also says not to try to do everything at once (set small targets), not to compare yourself with others on social media, and to try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve loneliness, because they can all contribute to poor mental health. Source: NHS: feeling lonely. The charity Campaign to End Loneliness also publishes information on loneliness.

The NHS says that if you need more support you can get free talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) on the NHS, and that you can refer yourself directly to a talking therapies service without a GP referral: find your local NHS talking therapies service (England only). In Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, a GP is usually the first step. The NHS says to see a GP if you are struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or low mood, have had a low mood for more than 2 weeks, find that what you are trying yourself is not helping, or would prefer a GP referral. Call NHS 111 or ask for an urgent GP appointment if you need help urgently but it is not an emergency.

The NHS says loneliness can affect people of any age, but older people are at particular risk if they live alone or do not have regular contact with others. It suggests keeping in touch by phone or video chat, joining local groups, classes or community activities, starting small conversations when you are out, inviting someone over even for a short visit, planning things to look forward to, and volunteering. It names Age UK, The Silver Line and Re-engage as organisations offering support and befriending.

If you would like longer-term support, or to choose who you see, you can see a private practitioner. Several professions work with loneliness and the feelings around it, and none is better for everyone:

• Counsellors and psychotherapists offer a regular space to talk about how you feel and what is getting in the way of connection.
• Practitioner psychologists and CBT therapists can help with the anxiety, low mood or unhelpful thought patterns that often go with loneliness; see also social anxiety and depression.
• Arts therapists (art, music, drama and dance movement) offer group and one-to-one ways to connect and express feelings without relying on words.
• Occupational therapists can help when illness or disability makes it hard to get out and take part in the activities that matter to you.
• Family and systemic psychotherapists and couples counsellors can help when you feel lonely inside a relationship or family.

Whoever you choose, check their register and ask about fees, session length and how you will review progress together. See questions to ask before you book and how much therapy costs. On Therapist Circle, each practitioner's registration is checked when they join, and their profile shows the register and number so you can check it yourself.